


The Printer Is Still Jammed

by startrekto221B



Series: The Printer Is Jammed [2]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: E-mail, Epistolary, Established Sherlock Holmes/John Watson, M/M, Married Life, Parentlock
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-29
Updated: 2015-08-09
Packaged: 2018-04-06 20:59:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 11,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4236411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/startrekto221B/pseuds/startrekto221B
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Life after happily ever after still has its pitfalls. Glimpses into the lives of Sherlock and John after they said ‘I do’.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just a note. This will probably make more sense if you've read part 1, but if you don't want to you could probably still figure it out starting here :)

**From:**  drwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

 **To:**   harrywatsonberry@gmail.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** Goings on

**Message:**

You were sort of right with what you told me at the wedding. It’s been a year and a half now and married life is well, a little different. Now that he knows we’re bound for life he’s sort of taken it as free license to do whatever he wants. This includes but is not limited to: using various utensils and food storage containers with things that are definitely not (or ever were) food, using all of my belongings without asking for purposes that are almost too strange to talk about, demanding sex at all times of day (you were serious when you said that could happen because I was marrying a younger man but wow), walking around the flat naked, and generally being obnoxious to clients without fearing my wrath.

The newness of the wedding and that whole feeling lasted a long time actually. We had our first fight over the garbage but not what you might think. He wanted to analyze it, I wanted to throw it out. He didn’t speak to me for a few hours. But he came around, you always know you’re winning the battle with Sherlock if he wants to be kissed more than he wants to get his way. He actually told me “I need you more than I need samples of chemical decay”, this is really high praise.

I don’t really mind the changes though. I have him that’s what matters.

So back to why I started writing this, I’m going to ask Sherlock if he ever wants to have a family. I’ve always wanted to, and we’re just about the right age. God knows I have enough money.

Yours,

John

***

 **From:** drwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

 **To:** mycroftholmes@coltechproducts.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** Sherlock’s opinions

**Message:**

What does he think about children?

I just want to get an idea of what I’m dealing with before I probe the subject with him,

John

***

 **From:** mycroftholmes@coltechproducts.com

 **To:** drwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: Sherlock’s opinions

**Message:**

He doesn’t particularly grasp the concept of their being separate entities than functioning adults, regarding them to be merely shorter, louder and radically uncoordinated factions of the population at large.

He refuses to accept that he ever was one, yet behaves as such with great frequency, as I’m sure you know.

He has never expressed an interest to have any, excepting certain instances when he bemoaned the fact that his lack of conventional bonds to most human beings would preclude him from passing on his own great intelligence onto the next generation and therefore doom the world to being utterly Holmes-less, as he did not anticipate that I would ever procreate either (a correct assumption).

Why the sudden interest? Surely one child in the house is enough for you. If you ever did try it would be immensely difficult, his history as an addict would make finding a surrogate or adopting near impossible.

\--Mycroft

***

_drwatson-holmes is online_

_mrwatson-holmes is online_

drwatson-holmes: I’ve been thinking.

mrwatson-holmes: My that’s new.

drwatson-holmes: shut up

mrwatson-holmes: What have you been thinking about? Hopefully nothing too strenuous. I need you in top form for the case tonight.

drwatson-holmes: the future

mrwatson-holmes: Oh, god.

drwatson-holmes: What oh god? I listen to you talk about fingernail residue for two hours and I say one thing and you…

mrwatson-holmes: Right right alright. The future. Um. Here are my predictions. Flying cars = no. More sex with John = yes.

drwatson-holmes: Sherlock.

mrwatson-holmes: Artificial intelligence leaps leading to a robot race that revolts against its masters and takes over the universe = probably not but I can’t deny I’d be highly interested. Car sex with John = definite possibility, though not while driving, thought I’d specify before you blow my head off.

drwatson-holmes: Sherlock.

mrwatson-holmes: Deadly virulent plague kills off half the population = do let me know when it’s socially acceptable to celebrate. Blowjob when I get home = I wouldn’t say no but I feel like you’re going to want to discuss something serious and you know what that does to my mood for sex.

drwatson-holmes: SHERLOCK!

mrwatson-holmes: Fine I could do you but that really wasn’t in the tarot cards.

drwatson-holmes: This is actually important.

mrwatson-holmes: I was stalling to gather my thoughts. I’m quite prepared now.

drwatson-holmes: Are you now?

mrwatson-holmes: Yes, cupcake.

drwatson-holmes: This is so unfair, Sherlock. So I call you ‘baby’ one time during sex on accident. One time! And I get every annoying endearment you can think of…

mrwatson-holmes: Life is unfair, bran muffin of my life.

drwatson-holmes: One of these days, I will kill you.

mrwatson-holmes: I don’t doubt the truth of your fiery rage, my treacle tart. Truly a thing to behold. I’m shaking as I stand. I think I might faint from your fury, fearsome husband mine.

drwatson-holmes:  You’re just going to get it tonight, Sherlock.

mrwatson-holmes: Angry sex is my favorite.

drwatson-holmes: Fuck you.

mrwatson-holmes: Please do.

drwatson-holmes: That never gets old with you does it?

mrwatson-holmes: The only thing that gets old with me is you, John.

drwatson-holmes: oh my god

mrwatson-holmes: You might recall the occasion, I put some gold metal on your hand and people clapped, I think there was cake. We did it like 7 times that night. Actually 8 if you count the bathroom during the reception.

drwatson-holmes: What are you doing, Sherlock?

mrwatson-holmes: I’m reminding you.

drwatson-holmes: Of what?

mrwatson-holmes: Before you ask me what you want to ask me, remember that this is what I’m like, and that’s never going to change. So being completely clear on that, you still want to talk about this?

drwatson-holmes: would you ever want…?

mrwatson-holmes: We’re not leaving London.

drwatson-holmes: what? I never said…

mrwatson-holmes: I won’t give up the work.

drwatson-holmes: I can’t even get a word in in this marriage, can I…

mrwatson-holmes: I’ll clear some space in the fridge, but not all, I need some for my experiments.

drwatson-holmes: You’re saying yes…we haven’t even mentioned what we’re actually talking about yet! I could be asking you to join a dance troupe in Tahiti for all you know.

mrwatson-holmes: Who told you I don’t want any children? Given the quality of Lestrade’s cases as of late the dance thing doesn’t sound like a half bad idea.

drwatson-holmes: You’ve never seemed like you wanted…

mrwatson-holmes: At one point I never wanted to get married either. Follow the data, John.

drwatson-holmes: a snobbish tech executive seemed to think otherwise

mrwatson-holmes: As soon as possible, stop listening to my brother.

drwatson-holmes: You’re really in for this?

mrwatson-holmes: It’s what you want. You’re what I want. And despite my prior feelings on the subject, balance of probability we could figure this out. 

_drwatson-holmes is offline_

_mrwatson-holmes is offline_


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock emails his mother.

**From:** harrywatsonberry@gmail.com

 **To:** drwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: Goings on

**Message:**

You’re going to have a kid. With Sherlock.

***

 **From:** drwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

 **To:** harrywatsonberry@gmail.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: Goings on

**Message:**

Why not? What’s wrong with the idea?

***

 **From:** harrywatsonberry@gmail.com

 **To:** drwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: Goings on

**Message:**

I like him, you know I do. But you know what he’s like.

***

 **From:** drwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

 **To:** harrywatsonberry@gmail.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: Goings on

**Message:**

What is he like, Harry? Besides, he seemed fine with the idea. I was expecting some more resistance but he was on board really quickly.

***

 **From:** harrywatsonberry@gmail.com

 **To:** drwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Goings on

**Message:**

Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, maybe he just went along with it because he knows it would make you happy. Despite the fact that it’s really not something he wants at all. Or maybe he doesn’t even KNOW what it would entail. A pear tree can’t grow apples, Johnny. It can only grow pears.

***

 **From:** drwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

 **To:** harrywatsonberry@gmail.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Goings on

**Message:**

Fucking hell. He’s not a tree, Harry. He can do this. He can.

***

 **From:** harrywatsonberry@gmail.com

 **To:** drwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Goings on

**Message:**

It’s a metaphor. Thought you author types love those.

And are you trying to convince me? Or are you trying to convince yourself?

***

_Internet History: Server #190920109230 Computer Name: SherlockLaptop, Browser: Google Chrome_

<http://www.babycenter.com/pregnant-now-what>

<http://www.wikihow.com/Raise-a-Child>

<http://time.com/35496/how-to-raise-happy-kids-10-steps-backed-by-science/>

<http://chemistry.about.com/od/toxicchemicals/a/List-Of-Poisons.htm>

<http://www.medicinenet.com/arsenic_poisoning/article.htm>

<http://www.babycenter.com/0_how-to-raise-a-happy-baby-and-child-birth-to-12-mo_1490882.bc>

<http://www.theguardian.com/news/datablog/2011/jan/14/mortality-statistics-causes-death-england-wales-2009>

***

 **From:** mrwatsonholmes@yahoo.com

 **To:** violet_holmes@gmail.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** This childrearing concept

**Message:**

I know it’s been a long time since I contacted you mother, so let this line serve as a replacement for the necessary pleasantries.

Other than feedings, occasional attention to waste management and a small sleeping area what exactly do babies require to grow? I have located several manuals on the subject but they are too insipid and pink for me to read in public.

I assume your experience in this is sufficient to provide an answer.

Until then, tell father to continue taking his medications, and do not reply with “I’m going to be a grandmother!” or anything else or I might even reconsider furthering your gene pool.

The brighter of your offspring,

Sherlock

***

 **From:** violet_holmes@gmail.com

 **To:** mrwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: This childrearing concept

**Message:**

You’ve made me so happy, Sherlock. I’m going to be a grandmother! Hold on, I’ll think on this and send you a longer message.

Love,

Mummy

***

 **From:** mrwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

 **To:** violet_holmes@gmail.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: This childrearing concept

**Message:**

I ask you again. Am I in fact adopted?


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock writes a letter of intent to the adoption/surrogacy agency. John misinterprets. And Mrs. Holmes sends a baby picture.

**From:** violet_holmes@gmail.com

 **To:** drwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

 **CC:** mrwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

 **Subject:** Thought you might like this

**Message:**

This is what Sherlock looked like at the hospital. And actual proof Sherlock that you were not adopted.

***

 **From:** drwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

 **To:** violet_holmes@gmail.com, mrwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: Thought you might like this

**Message:**

Wow he was adorable. What happened?

***

 **From:** mrwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

 **To:** drwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: Thought you might like this

**Message:**

Overexposure to Mycroft. 

I've always said he should come with a warning label. 

***

 **From:** mrwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

 **To:** drwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** First draft of letter of intent (from my side)

**Message:**

To whom it may concern:

I have been informed that it is necessary for me to inform you about why I would like to procreate. No doubt this is a necessary step in the procedure to make sure I have no nefarious designs on a possible child and am adequately prepared to manage it. For this reason I have prepared my reasons:

1)      Evolution. If the child were to be fathered by me I have a genius level intelligence quotient. Several studies have shown that intelligence is at least somewhat hereditary. Furthermore it has been the habit of species for years, ranging from the amoeba to the now extinct Neanderthal (though I have several examples to prove that they are not extinct) to further themselves and provide for offspring and is the drive for the advancement of those species and the development of adaptations due to microevolution within a few generations or divergence into several species in macroevolution. Shame be it on me not to contribute.

2)      Old age. It is 100% likely that one day I will grow old. When this regrettably occurs, and I die, I would prefer that my wealth pass on to someone at least moderately worthy of it.

3)      Old age again. When I am old it is highly likely that I will be incapable of most robust activities that I am currently used to. For this reason I would like for there to be someone to continue the work in my stead. The only person that could do this would have to be schooled in the deductive school of thought for several years, and I doubt another parent would bequeath to me their child for such training.

4)      I am easily bored. I am told children are very distracting.

Sincerely,

Sherlock Watson-Holmes

Good enough, John?

***

 **From:** drwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

 **To:** mrwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: First draft of letter of intent (from my side)

**Message:**

Um. Not quite.

***

 **From:** mrwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

 **To:** drwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: First draft of letter of intent (from my side)

**Message:**

More sentiment then?

To whom it may concern:

Myself and my partner John Watson have been living in an empty house. Devoid of the pitter patter of little feet on the floor and utterly desolate. Sadly enough, being both monogamous and regrettably gay we are not able to fulfill this lifelong dream of ours to have children, shower them with buckets and buckets and love and joy and leave a legacy upon this good Earth.

Nevertheless your surrogacy/adoption facilities have been like a ray of hope through the clouds of our misfortune. We would very much like to have a child so that we may pass on our good values, proper habits, and lifestyle. We would provide a happy home free of conflict and be able to nurture a growing mind. Please find it in your hearts to help us complete our quest and become the perfect family of three.

Sincerely,

Sherlock Watson-Holmes

I nearly acquired diabetes from writing this saccharine plea. But I sent it in. 

***

 **From:** drwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

 **To:** mrwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: First draft of letter of intent (from my side)

**Message:**

Sherlock. Um. I didn’t think this through. And maybe you don’t quite understand. If there’s something you don’t want I won’t force it on you. Though from what you’ve written I quite get the point. You don’t want to do this. And that’s fine. I just hoped you might have been able to tell me directly. It’s a bit insulting actually; that you didn’t think you could tell me you didn’t want this.

I’ve said it before. I’ll say it again. It’s fine. It’s all fine. But you should have told me. Now I just feel like an idiot. Plus since you sent it in, I look like an idiot too. No matter, I guess I am an idiot to you anyway.

I’ll come home a bit late tonight, I need some air.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock emails the agency again.

**From:** lisa.norton@lightsoflifechildren.com

 **To:** mrwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: A correction

**Message:**

While your letter was one of the most compelling we have ever received I’m afraid the documents containing your medical history set off several red flags into our system. A drug relapse within the past 5 years simply makes it impossible for me to add your application to our queue. It is also extremely unlikely that any other agency would agree to process your case. I’m sorry.

\--Displaying original message—

Ms. Norton:

Please disregard the prior email sent by me as it did not reflect my intention nor that of my partner John H. Watson.

If I may be accorded the chance to start afresh I would list the real reasons I would like to have children, and why I think John and I could provide an interesting and different if not exactly ideal environment.

1)      I will be perfectly honest when I say that I have no experience in dealing with children. Nor do I feel it entirely necessary for a marriage to produce a child. However, upon close consideration of the subject I do believe it would be mutually beneficial to secure the bonds of partnership and to make me a tad less selfish than I have been up to this point. Though I have no experience I have an impressive learning curve and a strong desire to master all subjects new and of interest to me and I can attest that I will put the full force of my efforts towards becoming an expert in theory and in practice.

2)      I am an elitist. It must be said. I do not tolerate anything less than correctness. This child will have the best of everything (due also to having an immensely rich interfering uncle but that is another matter).

3)      I embrace all things unconventional and strange. Whatever my child wishes to do, he or she will have complete freedom to do it. In my own childhood I was often singled out within the miniature society of the schoolroom and I can very easily empathize if something similar occurs to him or her, as such I would know exactly what steps need to be taken to resolve the situation and prevent as much long term damage as possible while making sure it knows that I fully endorse and in fact encourage their being different from the masses.

4)      Though I work solving crimes and John and I both share the odd workload of part time authors, not to mention the burdens of fame, this child would take the topmost priority. It is said that there is no better place for a child to grow up than in a house where both parents are in love, and I can assure that such is the case between John and me, and it is likely the child would receive all manner of affection from him, and less visibly and perhaps far less noticeably—me.

5)      Touchy feely lovey-dovey things do not come naturally to me. I will not probably be able to sing many lullabies or do idiotic baby talk or much of anything cute or cuddly—honestly even typing it makes me cringe. But there are things I can do, and will do, that I believe to be just as good. I can play violin very well, and I would play this for him or her. I am very good at deducing behavior or needs of other people based on mannerisms and would probably be able to master a child’s non verbal cues far faster than most parents. And if that fails, it will surely have John, who is proficient in everything I am not and succeeds where I can barely attempt.

Hoping to resolve my earlier error,

Sherlock-Watson-Holmes

***

 **From:** mrwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

 **To:** drwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** I refuse to admit any wrongdoing

**Message:**

It was not my intention to upset you; however you have very quickly forgotten the unspoken truth of our arrangement. This is a different life than the one you still cling too. I am not your wife John. I will not stay at home with a child and abandon my work in the prime of my life because you ask me to. There is no white picket fence. That dream you dreamed so long ago is still a part of you, despite everything, I know, and it’s hard to let go of something so deeply engrained. But you must accept it, I think, that despite the fact that we draw from our own literary love story that this is not a fairy tale. There are simply some things that you can never have with me, and children may just be among them. I would have told you, if I thought that you could understand that while we may be meant to be together I cannot give you everything. Stability. Family. Is not something that comes naturally to me. It is a learned instinct, and it will take me time, perhaps a long time, to acquire it.

Perhaps never,

Sherlock


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock talks to his brother.

**From:** mrwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

 **To:** mycroftholmes@coltechproducts.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** Options

**Message:**

Due to my medical history as a recovering addict, I have found out (after contacting 19 different facilities) that it is impossible to either adopt or hire a surrogate within Britain from any agency of repute. I have brainstormed and researched several alternative options.

1)      Poorer countries are generally far more lax about background checking (medically). However a child born there would likely be subject to poorer health care initially in addition to any barriers the country is likely to create on the grounds of John and I being both male.

2)      I am perfectly capable of seducing and sleeping with a woman for the purposes of getting her to carry my child (i.e. performing fertilization the old fashioned way) however even I am not comfortable with the moral implications of such an act (even if I were to tell her beforehand or financially reimburse her), and I doubt John would approve of my fornicating with a random female to exploit her reproductive capabilities.

3)      If I divorce John he could go through the process solo far more easily, though I would prefer not to do this if at all possible.

4)      I could perform the lab procedure necessary for surrogacy quite easily myself but that would involve the breaking of no less than 9 public health regulations, not to mention John could quite easily lose his license as a medical practitioner, not to mention the media storm.

5)      Human cloning. Though this is likely due to a Willthur fanfic that’s been making the rounds lately and not at all a John-approvable notion. And not to mention currently illegal.

\--Sherlock

***

 **From:** mycroftholmes@coltechproducts.com

 **To:** mrwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: Options

**Message:**

That desperate brother mine?

\--Mycroft

***

 **From:** mrwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

 **To:** mycroftholmes@coltechproducts.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: Options

**Message:**

What would you have from me?

\--Sherlock

***

 **From:** mycroftholmes@coltechproducts.com

 **To:** mrwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: Options

**Message:**

Admit that you need my help.

***

 **From:** mrwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

 **To:** mycroftholmes@coltechproducts.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: Options

**Message:**

Never.

***

 **From:** drwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

 **To:** harrywatsonberry@gmail.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** I’m worried

**Message:**

We’re not really talking much. Which is weird because normally he can’t shut up. I told him it was alright, and he said he was fine but there’s something on his mind. He’s always on the computer, making strange calls. Says it’s work. Should I be worried? Now he’s telling me he wants to go to Russia on a case. I asked him if he wanted me along and he said no. What’s that about?

Anyway, enough about me. How are you? How’s the new flat? You didn’t put up that hideous lava lamp did you?

Your brother,

John

***

_Good Morning UK! with Amy Peterson_

_Interview with John Watson-Holmes_

_AP: So John, married life treating you well?_

_JW: It’s been fun. Living with him. I’m never bored._

_AP: So what’s next for you and Sherlock? And for Scott and Conan as well?_

_JW: I honestly couldn’t tell you._

_AP: You’ve got no plans for new books?_

_JW: I do. There’s more than enough plot._

_AP: Then what’s the problem? Do you like keeping us in suspense?_

_JW: Something like that._

_AP: So tell us, what’s it like living with Sherlock Holmes, the great detective himself._

_JW: He’s-he’s—_

_AP: He’s what, John?_

_JW: In Russia on a case actually._

_AP: That’s funny, we heard he was sighted in Romania yesterday._

_JW: Romania?_

_AP: Twitter user @willthurfangirl tweeted this picture yesterday._

_JW: Must be just a stop on the way._

_AP: Must be! So, you two have any big plans? Ever think of starting a family? Several of your avid readers have already dreamed up scenarios when you do. Must be strange for you._

_JW: No I appreciate their creativity very much._

_AP: But you don’t have any plans._

_JW: It’s not—It’s not something we’ve considered right now._

_AP: Some of your earlier interviews, the ones before the whole Scott sensation, back when you were writing romance actually quoted you as saying your biggest regret up that point was not being married and having children. What happened?_

_JW: Sherlock of course. He changed my life._

_AP: Sherlock?_

_JW: Yeah, I suppose you could say Sherlock changed everything._

***

 **From:** mrwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

 **To:** mycroftholmes@coltechproducts.com

**CC:**

**Subject** : I will not get on my knees

**Message:**

I need your help.

***

 **From:** mycroftholmes@coltechproducts.com

 **To:** mrwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: I will not get on my knees

**Message:**

Why the change of heart?

***

 **From:** mrwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

 **To:** mycroftholmes@coltechproducts.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: I will not get on my knees

**Message:**

“Sherlock changed everything”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They finally talk.

_Twitter Q &A Session_

_#AskJohnWatson_

_13 Things We Learned About John Watson, Willthur and his real life romance_

The question: Who tops in RL, you or Sherlock?

@scottbot Sorry, won’t tell you about sex. #AskJohnWatson

The question: Do you read fanfiction?

@annawilliamscott Not at length. #AskJohnWatson

The question: Favorite moment in the series?

@mylittlescottie Probably the first case. #AskJohnWatson

The question: Favorite thing about Sherlock?

@willthuriscanon It’s hard to decide. #AskJohnWatson

The question: If you had to pick something about Sherlock.

@willthuriscanon His laugh. #AskJohnWatson

The question: Really though, who tops?

@willthursexual Still not answering. #AskJohnWatson

The question: Most surprising thing about Sherlock?

@jenpopper His hair routine. #AskJohnWatson

The question: If you weren’t a writer, what would you be?

@williamconan Definitely a trapeze artist. Jk. Priv. physician. #AskJohnWatson

The question: Why was Sherlock in Romania? 

@imsorrybutwillthur Private matter, sorry. #AskJohnWatson

The question: If you could change one thing in your life…

@lucygeorge I’d have met him sooner. #AskJohnWatson

The question: Something no one knows about you, Sherlock, or Scott or Conan?

@crazyforconan Sometimes he sings in the shower. Horribly off-key. #AskJohnWatson

The question: Will you ever write another book?

@nancyharris Short answer: yes. #AskJohnWatson

The question: Johnlock or Willthur?

@willthurismypassion Potato Pot-ah-to. #AskJohnWatson

***

 **From:** drwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

 **To:** mrwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** What the hell are you doing in Romania?

**Message:**

I thought you were going to Moscow.

***

 **From:** mrwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

 **To:** drwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: What the hell are you doing in Romania?

**Message:**

I was in Moscow. Then I was in Romania.

***

 **From:** drwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

 **To:** mrwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: What the hell are you doing in Romania?

**Message:**

Okay. Fine. But tell me this. What’s been going on with you Sherlock? Whenever I talk to you, you look—I can’t even describe it. Sometimes it’s like I’m not even there. I know what it is. You think you took something from me, when we got married. The chance to be, I don’t know, normal. But you didn’t. You’re the new normal. Whatever that is.

So just. Let this go. Alright?

***

 **From:** mrwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

 **To:** drwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: What the hell are you doing in Romania?

**Message:**

I’m not normal John. I never have been. I didn’t want children but I was willing to go along with it for your sake but the more and more I think about it. The more I think about my life and what it was before you, like some sort of empty shell, I think, I think it’s what I want as well. I didn’t want to get your hopes up before, because it’s likely that it’ll never happen for us and I can’t even describe why I want it but I do. Somehow. Somewhere along the way it just began to make so much sense.

I was afraid before, that it would tie me down to you, to being like everyone else. Like rope binding my wrists. I thought it would be a burden. A restriction. A needless annoyance. A constant noise maker in the house, disturbing my peace, my concentration, my work. I hated the very idea but I made myself acquiesce because I thought I might lose you. Not immediately, but eventually, because I know that despite everything you’ve ever said, it’s the type of thing that appeals to you. You like loving things that need your love, that’s why I think, not because of my genius, my looks or anything else about me, that you’re so besotted with me. Because you like being needed and there’s nothing I can confess that I have ever craved more than you John.

Until now.

\--Sherlock


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The media weighs in on the Watson-Holmes' newest addition.

_Google News- Trending Now, Search term: Holmes_

It’s a girl! Exclusive sources tell us popular fiction authors and real life lovers Sherlock **Holmes** and John Watson are “very happy” and would “request privacy during this time”\--CelebGossip Weekly

23 minutes ago

Real Life Willthur’s Real Life Drama Continues [Click to read more] \--PerezHilton.net

29 minutes ago

Baby girl for British authors Sherlock and John Watson- **Holmes** \--The Post

1 hour ago

***

_https://www.tumblr.com/consulting-doctor/post/20394028/302309_

**Willthuriscanongodbless asked** : “I know you’ve been close to them in the past...what’s your take on this baby thing?”

 

_My take on this is pretty simple actually. Other than spurring me to write quite a bit of fanfic about Willthur raising a kid...I don’t really have one? I mean it’ll be interesting to see how it plays out but I don’t really have a strong opinion per say._

_\--Amanda_

 

 **anon asked:** “UGH. Real life Willthur killing me with the cuteness here. A baby girl. Can you even imagine???????”

 

_I can imagine. I do it often. Sometimes in stretches of up to 60,000 words. But yes, it’s marvelous. Scott trying and failing to cope with children is hilarious to think about. Now that I’ve met Sherlock and John (can’t resist reminding everyone of that every once in a while) I’ve gotten a little bit more of a perspective on it. But I’m still fangirling as hard as ever._

_\--Amanda_

 

 **anon asked:** “You’re an imbecile. Willthur being canon ruined my life...all this time I was reading a gay book series...complete rip off”

 

_Ah, the smell of anon hate in the morning. To this I can only say “you were told but you didn’t listen”. I love being right. As to being a rip off, if it’s a rip off to you to have canonically queer representation in a popular book series between the main characters (something which NEVER happens)...you deserve to be ripped off. Not even sorry._

_\--Amanda_

***

https://www.bookbeat.org/news/currently-trending/personalblogs/jamison/09

The World and Willthur’s New Princess

Arlene Jamison, Popular Culture Contributor

 

Let me first start by saying we have analyzed this to death. And I for one enjoy it. That being said, this journey started long ago, and that was when we fans first noticed the er...interesting travel patterns of Sherlock Watson-Holmes. Romania. Greece. The brief stop in the U.A.E. Norway. He was even in Ukraine. Now at first glance it might be said that he was going for a case, but as his literary counterpart so enjoys saying “you see but you do not observe”. What we observed, then, was that while all these elaborate--and let’s call it what it was--shenanigans around Europe were going on, John Watson-Holmes was seen in London. Again. And Again. And Again. Since Scott would hardly go off solving cases without his Conan, clearly something was wrong. 

Then there was _that_ interview. Click the link if you like and go to 13:14. Otherwise I’ve excerpted it here:

 

_Interviewer: So fans have been commenting on Sherlock’s increasingly erratic travel pattern...I know you like to keep private things private...but any comment?_

_JWH: Um...yeah...I...well we’re looking start a family and given certain restrictions here in the U.K. we sought options elsewhere._

 

When questioned the following morning about this at the airport terminal in Oslow, Sherlock Holmes neither confirmed nor denied his partner’s statement. Saying “get your heads out of your arses and cover some actual news why don’t you?”. Nevertheless, we pressed on.

Later in the year the official representative of the Watson-Holmes’ issued this statement from the BBC’s website.

 

 _Dr. and Mr. Watson-Holmes are delighted to announce a new novella on William Scott drawing from events of their own recent cases with the NSY. Publication details to follow._  

_At the same time they would like to announce that they are expecting a child via surrogate, and are excited at the changes to their lives that are expected to come._

 

That of course was a month ago. Ample time for us to be prepared for Willthur’s little princess. Born we are told in St. Mary’s Hospital, the same St.Mary’s in which Prince William and his son Prince George was born. Yet though it has now been six weeks since the press broke the news of her birth there has been a sudden silence on part of both authors. Photographed only twice, once at a party celebrating the novella and a second time when John Watson-Holmes was invited to a commendation on his military service. Fans are wondering what this means. Are Scott and Conan retreating into the shadows? After all it’s been six weeks since she came.

Perhaps though we should be spending less time wondering and more time observing. You only have to read the last and most famous Scott novel to know that the press and the character, less still the man and the media hardly get along. Maybe it’s a clue that we don’t yet know anything but her assigned sex at birth? Maybe it’s obvious that they don’t want a fuss over all this. After all, she’s the princess of millions of people, and we don’t even know her name.

  
  



	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shopping is not one of Sherlock's strong suits.

**From:** drwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

 **To:** mrwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** I shouldn’t be laughing but I am

**Message:**

It’s not that funny. It’s really not. But we spent so long arguing about a name and there’s only around 4 people that use it on a regular basis. She’s sleeping now, so I can send this to you and pray to the powers that be that you get the right things from the shops. How is it actually possible you can solve murders but not follow a grocery list?

***

 **From:** mrwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

 **To:** drwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

 **CC** :

 **Subject:** RE: I shouldn’t be laughing but I am

**Message:**

The store is not laid out in the most efficient manner possible. People are constantly double backing for things, the frozen food aisle is in the least desirable spot in terms of how the possible wiring of the cooling system might go. I’ve thought of at least 7 different preferable layouts during my time here.

Of course she’s sleeping. That’s what they do. They defecate and they sleep. What did you expect that she would write an aria? Play some Mozart? I don’t even see the point of buying so many little pairs of shoes for someone who doesn’t even walk. The money would be better spent perhaps in hiring a private security firm to keep out her interfering uncle. Think on that would you?

Also must everything be stereotypical 'girl' colors? We’re encouraging gender-color associations from an awfully early age.

***

 **From:** drwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

 **To:** mrwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: I shouldn’t be laughing but I am

**Message:**

I didn’t send you there to re-do the store layouts. And I never said for you to get everything in pink, feel free to sample from the entire color wheel for all I care. Fair warning though, most of the presents, from Molly and Mrs. Hudson and the like are all pink.

I’m half convinced you’re feigning stupidity at the store so that if she wakes up and makes a mess again I’ll be the only one at home to do anything about it.

***

 **From** : mrwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

 **To:** drwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: I shouldn’t be laughing but I am

**Message:**

Molly’s selections were fuschia. Mrs. Hudson’s were magenta. Lestrade, being a tad bit more liberal minded allowed himself to stray to lavender. Mycroft himself went with the more conservative lilac. So you are incorrect in saying they are “all pink”, however that does not make them any less annoying.

I must regretfully admit however that I am not feigning stupidity. In this manner it seems I have a level of genuine incompetence. The 2% milk continues to evade me.

***

 **From:** drwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

 **To:** mrwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: I shouldn’t be laughing but I am

**Message:**

First of all, that was the most pretentious analysis of colors I’ve ever seen.

Second of all, you just admitted there’s something at which you have “genuine incompetence”. I think that just made my day.

Third of all, your brother’s here again. He thinks you’re still at the store because you’re hiding from him. I assured him that’s not the true. But I’m not sure myself. Sherlock, did you know he was coming?

***

 **From** : mrwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

 **To** : drwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: I shouldn’t be laughing but I am

**Message:**

He’s here to suggest a long term case for me that I shall find highly boring. I was not however, hiding from him, your timely insistence on the grocery was simply a coincidence.

Happy as I am that I made your day, it’s hardly a fact that needs repeating.

We should get her an email address.

***

 **From:** drwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

 **To:** mrwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: I shouldn’t be laughing but I am

**Message:**

Sherlock. She can’t even talk yet? Why would we do that?

Coincidence? Ha. You’re a prat. And it does need repeating. Frequent, frequent repeating.

***

 **From:** mrwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

 **To:** drwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: I shouldn’t be laughing but I am

**Message:**

We could send her periodic messages now about what she’s doing, how she is, how we’re faring. Pictures and the like. Give her the password when she’s old enough. After all, you wrote an entire book series about me, I doubt your active pen could keep its silence on the subject of my wonderful daughter.

***

 **From:** drwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

 **To** : mrwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: I shouldn’t be laughing but I am

**Message:**

The book series isn’t about you, it’s about us. And that’s not such a bad idea.

***

 **From:** mrwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

 **To:** drwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: I shouldn’t be laughing but I am

**Message:**

Of course it is. All of my ideas, by default, are brilliant. You can make the address yourself while I figure out this shopping situation.

***

 **From:** drwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

 **To:** misswatson-holmes@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** The Early Days

**Message:**

So I’m John, or Dad, or Pa,  I don’t even know what you’ll call me and I feel more than a bit stupid emailing you in the future while you’re asleep upstairs. But Sherlock suggested it and I thought it was sort of cool. I don’t know what age you’ll be when you read this, maybe fourteen or fifteen? You might even--but you BETTER BETTER NOT---have any sort of boyfriend, or girlfriend (it’s all fine with us just not at this age) at this point. Um. I should be better at this, I’m a writer, as you probably know. I apologize again that there’s a vastly popular--or it was vastly popular when I was writing this email even if it isn’t by the time you read it--book series about your parents being in love with each other. That’s probably embarrassing. But then don’t all teenagers find their parents embarrassing?

Anyway, before I even start saying any of this, you should know that we love you. So very much. You should also know that your other father is “genuinely incompetent” at getting the groceries. But the first one is obviously more important. I’ll probably reiterate it several times over the years. It’ll probably get annoying if you’re smarter than me and catch on quickly, you probably are smarter than me. You might even be smarter than Sherlock. Though he’ll never admit anything close to that if you are. Oh...look at that I’m rambling. Sorry.

And on that note, you’ve woken up from your nap. I’ll try again later.

Love,

Dad (That's what I think I'd like you to call me)

***

https://www.celebweekly.com/sightings/3495003/49

Trouble in Paradise for Literary Lovers?

 

Sherlock Watson-Holmes was seen leaving his residence no less than three times Friday for the local Tesco. Is it possible he may be having an affair? Tesco has been known to be the rendezvous points for many married malcontents.

Charlotte Rice live tweeted the incident:

@RiceSpice’s feed

_Just spotted none other than that one of the Scott author’s at Tesco. #William Scott_

_He’s been traipsing up and down the frozen food aisle for a while now. As if he’s waiting for someone? #William Scott_

The ex-addict welcomed a daughter with his partner John Watson-Holmes no less than seven weeks ago but is it possible he’s getting bored already?

 

What’s your take?

Poll below:

23% say he’s having an affair.

18% say unsure

59% say he’s not

 

Comments below--

 

 **Rick Bennett said:** Yes. Because when I want to cheat on my wife I definitely go to the frozen food aisle to pick up chicks.

               **Amy Alvarez replied** : Ofc! What better place to have a romantic rendezvous without anyone knowing. A public store where everyone can see you...

               **Natalie Moore replied:** All the cool kids know the real good make out spot is in canned goods.

                              **Amy Alvarez replied** : All them good looking boys hit up the baked good sections. Find your muffin with the muffins.

                                            

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock writes his first email to their daughter.

**From:** mrwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

 **To:** misswatson-holmes@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** Message 1

**Message:**

Daughter mine:

Before I say anything else it’s really necessary to tell you that the email addresses being ridiculously matchy-matchy the way they are was entirely John’s idea. But apparently since I get my way in “practically everything else” according to him, he was permitted this one chance to exercise free reign. You’re observing the result.

It is more than likely that you know me very well already, despite there being a limited probability of my untimely death, in which case you likely still know me very well already owing to John having told you about me--he loves to talk about me, he even writes about me, novels worth. So unless we both happened to pass away in a tragic accident in which case you would probably still know a decent amount about me--my brother being the person who would most probably claim custody and having in his possession a wealth of surveillance footage--I can do away with introductions.

Assuming for the moment that I am not in fact dead and we have in fact been in contact with each other over the past few years, you may be wondering why I bothered to communicate with you at all through this medium when you are sitting in front of me right this instant quite intently watching an animated serial on the telly that John insists is children’s programming.

It is important, I thought, for you to have an idea of what your early life was like, it passes the time, and I think you might find it genuinely interesting.

Please follow the following instructions (as I am your father I expect your full compliance though John tells me this is hardly likely in the teenage years and I find this corroborated by several studies):

  1.        Bookmark this page as I will refer to articles within it several times - <http://www.thescienceofdeduction.co.uk/>
  2.        Remember to never, ever, ever, ever, in your life type in the words “Willthur” and “fanart” into any search engines (this was John’s suggestion by the way, I think he’s upset because he’s always portrayed as some sort of fluffy hedgehog, but nevertheless I acknowledge the potential of emotional scarring).
  3.        If you are ever in any trouble do not hesitate to contact me. I promise to give any problems of yours my full attention, as you are of utmost importance to me.



 

Lastly, based on what I have observed of you so far and what I know of your genetic predisposition as well as your behaviors I have the following deductions: you will grow to be approximately 1.7 m tall, artistic leanings (visual not dramatic), significant mutual emotional attachment to John (the constant cuddling is a dead giveaway), sweet tooth. Let me know what I got right.

My warmest regards,

Parent 2 (I’m not sure what you’ve elected to call me, so this should suffice until I know--since John performs toilet related cleanup activities roughly 63% of the time due to my being on cases and his work requiring him to stay at home on the computer pretending to be writing, he has deemed himself Parent 1)

***

 **From:** drwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

 **To:** misswatson-holmes@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** Your father is a nut

**Message:**

He’s reconfigured all of the furniture in the house. It’s so disorienting I had to sit down. You wouldn’t think it’d have such an effect. But it does. It turns out he was simply checking to see whether you could still recognize home with it being so different. You could. Congratulations I suppose. If I hadn’t been carrying you I had half a mind to smack him. But you spit up on his nice shirt later so thanks for that. He had it coming.

This probably sounds juvenile to you, and I apologize. It’s just. I try not to complain about Sherlock to other people. Because I love him. I do. It’s just hard sometimes. And this is probably something we share, you and me, being Sherlock’s test subjects (though I will attempt to shield you for as long as I can, it will eventually happen whether I like it or not). So there’s that.

You’re too cute by the way. You love it when people hold you and take you places. Such a charming, well-behaved baby. Can’t believe Sherlock’s DNA can do that.

So recent events...well a few days ago your father had an affair at Tesco according to the news media. They’ve all gone round the bend. He had a minor sulk because you cried when I passed you to him and he thought that maybe you didn’t like him (couldn’t have anything to do with the fact that he was covered in blood from having harpooned a dead pig or something--don’t ask). It’s not easy having two children in the house. I’m going to go grey way earlier than I should.

Wouldn’t trade it for the world though. I live for your smiles.  

Love,

Dad  

***

https://www.thedailyherald.com/news/celeb-sightings/3209

Willthur’s Princess Seen About Town

Jane Connor

 

Sherlock Watson-Holmes(25) and John Watson-Holmes(30) were seen returning to their London residence today, with the latest addition in tow. Dr. Watson-Holmes requested that no pictures be published of the baby and we are abiding by that request though many other outlets have chose to not. We were also rewarded with an impromptu interview from Mr. Watson-Holmes, possibly in an effort to distract the press while his partner made his way inside and blocked the child from few. As always his offhand remarks were quite colorful.

When asked about his future plans he answered that he’s “very shortly looking to return indoors”. When asked whether he would address breakup rumors he said that “if you could carry around a potted plant the entire evening it still would not compensate for the oxygen you’re wasting”. Finally, before entering, when asked where they had just come in from he remarked that “even an investigative reporter of your limited caliber should have been able to figure that out, given that I am still holding the plastic bag containing take-out containers of a size only used by one Chinese restaurant in all of London, good day.”

Representatives of the Watson-Holmes’ and the BBC could not be reached for comment.

***

 **From:** drwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

 **To:** mrwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** Stop that Sherlock

**Message:**

She’s your daughter of course she likes you. I thought after you had your little sulk you were fine, but yesterday when you suggested I sing her to sleep rather than you and you sort of stalked off in that flouncy way with the dressing gown I realized.

 

She’s a baby, Sherlock, remember that,

John

***

 **From:** mrwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

 **To:** drwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: Stop that Sherlock

**Message:**

What is that assumption based on?

I am fine, I simply wished to save her the travesty that is my singing. Stop misinterpreting my walk.

 

I know she’s a baby. What did you think I thought she was, a velociraptor?

Sherlock

***

 **From:** drwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

 **To:** mrwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: Stop that Sherlock

**Message:**

It’s not based on anything. I just know. Trust me on this. Idiot.

You sing in the shower just fine and inflict that upon us all. Never bothered you before. If you must you can play her the violin instead like you were doing.

You have several walks and I interpret them all correctly:

\--rough sex last night walk (love this one)

\--I’m in repressed emotional pain and I won’t tell the person that loves me walk

\--I want to make a dramatic point walk

\--I secretly think I would make a good supermodel walk

\--John look at my arse walk (usually leads to the first one happening again)

\--No one is paying attention to me walk

\--I am better than you peasants walk (default)

 

She’s not just any baby. She’s your baby. And she does love you, damn it.

If you’re my nut does that make me your nutcracker?

John

***

 **From:** mrwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

 **To** : drwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: Stop that Sherlock

**Message:**

Fine. I will trust you.

You can be my nutcracker. But what does that make her? A little nut? Peanut? Mini-nut? I can’t complete the analogy. Sorry. Your wonderful writerly instincts will have to take over.

Anyway, even if she doesn’t like me she’ll end up loving me anyway. Worked with you. Besides this time around I get a head start.

Yours,

Sherlock

***

 **From:** drwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

 **To** : mrwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: RE: Stop that Sherlock

**Message:**

Peanut would be an interesting nickname actually. Because she’s so small.

Why a head start?

***

 **From:** mrwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

 **To:** drwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject** : RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Stop that Sherlock

**Message:**

My side’s covered. I love her already. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock would totally be that parent that tries to act like they're not all that attached to the baby but are internally like SO TOTALLY EXCEPTIONALLY ATTACHED, and the only one that'll ever know it is John. Also I realize the baby has no name yet, and it's a manifestation of me not knowing the cumberbaby's name and wondering to myself how those two beautiful humans managed to find a name that just casually goes with Cumberbatch. Much points to Benophie for having crossed that bridge and restrained the urge to tell the world about it. Also, I can't wait for her to eventually reply to these emails. Because she will. This was a super long note. But I had a lot of fun this chapter. Startrekto221B out.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The baby gets a cold. Sherlock freaks out. John is calm. The Peanut nickname sticks. And Moffat emails again.

**From:** mrwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

 **To:** misswatson-holmes@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** Message 2

**Message:**

Dear Peanut,

 

Before I go into this I will say that writing and generally being long-winded about things, indulging in the use of metaphor and the like are John’s (Daddy’s) department. So you can expect my instructions and notes to you to be more or less direct. Right. Moving on. Things that have happened in the last week:

 

You had your first case of nasopharyngitis (the common cold). You are now fine. 

We read some more stories. I think you like the Cat in the Hat one the best, but the evidence is inconclusive. You do however clearly prefer the early French composers when I play violin. Your daddy thinks it’s not possible for a baby to develop an affinity for the classics as of yet. He is wrong. He often is.

When you’re a bit bigger I am considering acquiring a dog for you. If we got one now I’m afraid it might eat you or something. A completely irrational fear, though I find that in regards to you I am prone to irrational behavior far more often than I am completely comfortable with. I had a dog when I was young. His name was Redbeard. He was a red basset hound. I think that is the kind of dog I will get for you. You will adore him. I have no doubt. I only wish there were more room in the flat for you to run around once you can. It has the potential to be rather restrictive once you’re on your feet. But for now I think it suits perfectly.

The name ‘Peanut’ was originally meant as a little in-joke or something of the kind but it’s caught on alarmingly quickly. John likes peanut butter and jam sandwiches on occasion and as nicknames go I appreciate the fact that it is gender neutral. I hope you’ll forgive me if I say it suits you.

I find myself in a strangely dual mind of late. I simultaneously wish you were older and able to accompany me and John to crime scenes. I want to speak to you. Tell you about the way I see the world. Teach you everything that I know. Ask you what you see when you dream. I am too curious. I would ask you now but you would not answer me. Only gurgle and grasp my finger or pull on my hair, yet I find myself liking that too. I daresay only because it’s you (I have rather sensitive hair follicles and do not tolerate that from anyone else). Therein lies the problem. I also do not want you to get any bigger. I rather enjoy the fact that you are very small and can fit in my lap as I read the rhymey sort of books that John brings stacks and stacks from the library. But perhaps that’s just me being overly sentimental. All children grow up. Even mine.

Also, there is something I wanted you to know. In case I shall not recall to tell you all those years later when you’ve the maturity to understand what exactly I mean. Or in case I should be dead by then. I don’t expect anything from you. I don’t expect you to be anything or anyone. Preconceived notions of what you should do, what you should wear and how you should act will not come from me unless you want them. It is the expectations of parents, I have found, that most often cause children to suffer. They are so intent on seeing their offspring avoid their own mistakes and lead perfect lives that they do not allow them to grow and experience on their own, a grave error. They sometimes force their own beliefs about life unto them and make them feel inferior. This is also incorrect. This does not mean however that you have free license to do whatever you wish. There are rules and you must adhere to them. However I want you to know that you are not bound to become me, or to become John, or anyone else. You are not responsible to the media, to your friends, to us, but only to yourself. It is unlike me to wax poetic, but you owe it solely to yourself to be happy. If you should wish it I will take care of anything or anyone that would stand in your way.

 

My warmest regards,

Father

***

 **From:** drwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

 **To:** misswatson-holmes@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** It’s been quite a week

**Message:**

 

I don’t know what to tell you. You had your first cold ever. It was bad. Not in the sense that it seemed serious, mind you, I’m a doctor and I took you to the clinic and the pediatrician said with some monitoring and medicine you’d be fine. As it almost always is, it was your father.

Never think that he doesn’t love you, Peanut. Because that man. Cold and demanding and annoying as he can sometimes be would do anything for you. Including flying in a swedish specialist for you. Greatest child doctor in the world apparently. Said the same thing as Dr. Moon. You’re fine. Then again I can’t blame him. If I hadn’t seen so many kids in the clinic myself I would have probably freaked out too. It’s just. My god. You’ll love what he called it the whole time though. Nasopharyngitis. I’m a doctor and I don’t call it that. That man.

Well you’re better now. Thank heavens. Right on schedule. Medicine worked like I knew it would. You’re a strong little girl. We’re thinking of getting you a little puppy. Would you like that? I want you to have everything in the world. It’s a bit unhealthy actually. If you could ask me I’d probably get you a pony. Of course your father’s no better. He’ll complain about moving his experiments and having to skip cases but he’s just as far gone as I am. When he thinks I’m not looking he holds you up and dances around. I’ll see if I can get that on video.

 

Love,

Daddy

 

P.S. I found this picture of your father. You look just like him.

 

***

 **From:** mrwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

 **To:** drwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** Listen

**Message:**

John I am sorry for my actions during the prior week.

***

 **From:** drwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

 **To:** mrwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: Listen

 **Message** :

No. That was good. Tad overreaction perhaps. But good.

***

 **From:** stevenmoffat@bbcpublishing.co.uk

 **To:** drwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** A new project

**Message:**

Congratulations on the daughter, first off. Wishing you both well.

But back to business, Mark and I were talking and we thought perhaps a prequel might pique public interest. What do you think?

Something along the lines of Young William Scott.

Let me know.

***

Entertainment Weekly Interview Transcript

Q&A with Sherlock Holmes and John Watson

We took your questions and got some very interesting responses!

 

**_Marsha from Denver asked (to John): How’s your life changed since having a kid?_ **

_John: Well obviously it changes your perspective quite a bit you’re no longer sort of figuring stuff out for yourself, it makes you think forget about whether this is good for me, but what’s it going to mean for her. And I’ve never been busier. It’s simply phenomenal, I think._

 

**_Lois from Westminster asked (to Sherlock): How is having a baby affecting your casework?_ **

_Sherlock: She is the most interesting case of my career. And remains unsolved._

 

**_Angie from Miami asked (to both): What can you tell us about her?_ **

_John: She’s my angel, in more ways than one. She’s absolutely adorable. Takes after him looks wise I think. But she’s got spunk I can tell. She likes being read to. She loves to nap. Loves doing her own thing. So she’s a lot like me in that regard I suppose._

 

_Sherlock: She’s extraordinary._

 

**_Varun from Sydney asked (to both): How has your relationship been affected by the newest development?_ **

_John: We’re a lot closer than we were before I think. It’s quite an intense experience. Lots of emotions. Enhances the commitment I think in a way that even we weren’t really expecting. So it’s fascinating, yeah, in a sense._

 

_Sherlock: Less time for sex._

 

**_Lacey from Cincinnati asked (to both): This question comes up a lot in fan interactions but you never answer. I’ll try again. Who tops?_ **

_John: I’ve said it before. I’ll say it again. It’s too personal and I’ve never answered in the past. I’m not answering questions about our sex life._

 

_Sherlock: John._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The baby Sherlock drawing was mine and I'm considering later on in this fic drawing some of Willthur's little princess or maybe fanart of Willthur within this fanfic? Seems like exactly something Amanda would do.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Sherlock have an interesting relationship with the press. Sherlock gives his daughter some life advice.

The Post

Exclusive Interview of author Sherlock Watson-Holmes regarding new television series based on acclaimed ‘William Scott’ books

[Transcript enclosed]

Interviewer Donna Carlson

 

_DC: So John couldn’t be here today, can you tell us where he is?_

_SWH: He’s joined the circus. No of course he’s at home with the baby._

_DC: [uncomfortable laughter] Ah, your famous sense of humor...um...let’s see…_

_SWH: You mean to ask me about the television serial._

_DC: Exactly. How do you think that’s going to go? What do you think of the actor playing your character?_

_SWH: Less idiotic than most. But that’s not saying much is it. May I have this coffee?_

_DC: Sorry?_

_SWH: [takes a sip] Fascinating blend._

_DC: What was I saying?_

_SWH: That actor._

_DC: Does he receive your seal of approval?_

_SWH: Seeing as I can’t think of anyone else who I’d like to be playing me, I suppose, by default…_

_DC: Let’s talk about characterization. There are several things in the books that are left up to the reader’s interpretation however strongly implied. Among them the military kink that fans have speculated William Scott has. Several of his dialogues seem to imply the same. Does he? Or I suppose the equivalent question would be do you?_

_SWH: Well...um--thing is--well everyone knows all the nice girls like a soldier. I suppose most people adhere to that sort of understanding. Everyone probably finds it attractive to some extent. Balance of probability in the general population._

_DC: What are the qualities do you think that would draw detective Scott to a man like Arthur Conan? In terms of his military training?_

_SWH: John’s obviously very fit--what I mean to say is…_

_DC: No that’s fine. Relax. Have some more coffee._

_SWH: You know you should tell the cameraman you’re married before things start getting more serious._

_DC: Excuse me?_

_[End of interview transmission]_

 

 **From:** drwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

 **To:** misswatson-holmes@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** Why I hate being famous

**Message:**

Thought I’d get this rant off my chest. It’s been a week. Oh, it’s been a week. Pictures. All the time. I found it flattering at some point. Now it’s just annoying. I’m getting groceries. Is there really a reason to take my picture? Probably not. But if it was just me, fine. Sure. But you. That really gets me good and frustrated. As far as I’m concerned maybe my work is public property so people can see pictures of me and talk to me about the books and that’s great--good fun--but you’re not for them. Just no.

Found a snap of you in the tabloids. Called four people and a monkey trying to get it taken down from the Internet sites. Obviously unsuccessful. Still floating around somewhere. Can’t say I don’t try though. I do.

You’ll find Sherlock and I have a different relationship with the press. I’m more of the friendly type initially, but if they get too pushy I don’t like it. Him, well, he’ll act icy and standoffish but at times he downright plays along, sometimes turns the joke on them. It’s...interesting.

So yesterday when I was coming home it started raining. Your father, being well himself, did not respond to any of my texts to come get me with an umbrella. So I was soaked to the bone and reasonably furious and when he came to the door he misinterpreted my intention to take his coat from the hanger behind him as leaning in for a kiss. So that was the morning new cycle. I’m fine. I really am. He also gave a rather interesting interview when he was supposed to be helping promote the new TV series. I think it’s best that I don’t talk about it here.

Your father’s emailing some life advice for you. He refuses to let me see it. I can only imagine.

 

My love,

Daddy

***

htttp://www.celebritybeat.com/blog/3902/sherlockholmes-watson/331

Kissing In The Rain

[Click to load picture]

Oooh la la! Autumn is here and love is in the air for storybook lovers Sherlock Watson-Holmes and his husband Dr. John Watson-Holmes. Sherlock (26) did not even wait for his drenched lover to come back into their residence at 221B Baker Street before kissing him sweetly on the front steps. Dr. Watson-Holmes was so enamored of his young husband’s attentions that he immediately grabbed him by the shirt collar and rather forcefully maneuvered them both inside the building and slammed the door, confirming many fans speculation that Sherlock likes it rough.

 

An earlier interview this week had him tongue-tied when asked whether he, like his character William is portrayed, also shares a military kink, giving us the quote “all the nice girls like a soldier”. It seems our frequently frigid detective is positively smitten with his ex-army catch Dr. John Watson-Holmes. We wish them the best.  

***

 **From:** mycroftholmes@coltechproducts.com

 **To:** mrwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** I have no words

**Message:**

_“confirming many fans speculation that Sherlock likes it rough”_

_“all the nice girls like a soldier”_

So obvious, brother mine?

***

 **From:** mrwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

 **To:** mycroftholmes@coltechproducts.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** Then shut up

**Message:**

Good riddance, Piecroft.

***

 **From:** drwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

 **To:** mrwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** Totally your fault

**Message:**

 

Stop sulking, you brought this on.

***

 **From:** mrwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

 **To:** drwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: Totally your fault

**Message:**

 

I am aware.

***

 **From:** drwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

 **To:** mrwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: Totally your fault

**Message:**

 

Would it make you feel any better if we let Mrs. Hudson babysit Peanut tonight so I can confirm fan speculation with you?

 

In my old uniform?

***

 **From:** mrwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

 **To:** drwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: Totally your fault

**Message:**

 

Confirm away.

***

 **From:** mrwatson-holmes@yahoo.com

 **To** : misswatson-holmes@yahoo.com

**CC:**

**Subject:** Life Advice

**Message:**

It’s a common misconception that teenagers are stupid. They are in my opinion no more and no less incompetent than the vast majority of the general population. I still feel, however, it is my responsibility to make sure you do not contribute to this perception, endanger yourself, or be harmed in any fashion emotional, physical, etc.

Please adhere to the following tenets:

  1.        Never let anyone tell you that you are not worth it. If they make you feel at all insignificant it is my opinion, and therefore the final one, that they are not worth your time. This is non-negotiable.
  2.        Do not lie to the ones that care about you unless you must. I myself have learned this lesson the hard way. I prefer that you should not.
  3.        Societal expectations for everything should always be taken with a grain of salt. I have never believed in slotting myself into a pre-decided framework for what is ‘desirable’. Somehow John adores me anyway.
  4.        There is no really good reason to be taking drugs. In my experience it is possible that drug addicts become so because they are trying to compensate for another void in their lives. This is not the correct solution for the problem. Therefore illogical. Therefore wrong.
  5.        Never discriminate against others based on sexual orientation, disability, mental disorder, race, or gender identification.If it helps, if you ever feel the need to, though I doubt you shall, you may picture me, young, gay, and frequently an outcast. That ought to provoke some natural empathy.
  6.        Never be afraid of the unknown. All your limitations are self-inflicted. There are no limits on the human potential. What you wish to achieve, you will.
  7.        It is more important to be happy than to be right. This is the only reason why John ever wins arguments with me.
  8.        Recent events have compelled me to add this. If your significant other is returning home and is completely drenched, their actions that appear to indicate romantic intent may just be them trying to access dry material such as a coat which may happen to be positioned directly behind you.
  9.        Try and marry a soldier. They have steady hands.



 

Yours,

Father

**Author's Note:**

> I write when I have spurts or something occurs to me, so it might not be regular AT ALL updates wise, but I thought about how most fics end with them being married and perfectly happy and I wanted to maybe a try a fic where they do have problems afterward--god knows being married to Sherlock wouldn't be easy.


End file.
